desperatemonkeys:

feliidaesabers:

veeoneeye:

If I was a female, this post would just be the best.

I can’t breathe

I’m a dude and this belongs on my tumblr haha

p0ndorica:

p0ndorica:

sometimes i see dudes on the internet like “ya i have a 10 inch dick” and then i eat a 6 inch subway sandwich and im looking at this sandwich and its like..idk how almost double that would be a good thing my vagina winces at the thought 

it was 4am and i compared a penis to a sandwich

asap-tran:

really-shit:

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you.

fuck

svveden:

why are you crying? here suck my dick it’ll make you feel better

elizabeth-hornswoggle:

tastefullyoffensive:

Reversed cotton candy eating.

im cryign

doglets:

sext: sorry just got this text haha. do u still have a boner?

I don’t care if you drink, smoke, claim straight edge, have lots of sex, have no sex, believe in god, believe in aliens, believe in nothing, eat meat, eat no meat, are vegan, or even like anything I like. Just be cool with me, and I’ll be cool with you.

i-n-e-f-f-a-b-l-e-m-e:

True embarrassment lies within your first email address

psychoticmist:

if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’

ostracizedpoodle:

my computer is slow because it wants to spend more time with me